


Don't Eat Hot Food

by jelazakazone



Category: Video Blogging & YouTube RPF
Genre: Crack, Food, Gen, Podfic Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-19
Updated: 2013-06-19
Packaged: 2017-12-15 11:44:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/849176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jelazakazone/pseuds/jelazakazone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan warns his viewers about the dangers of hot food. Rated Teen for language.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Eat Hot Food

**Author's Note:**

  * For [greedy_dancer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/greedy_dancer/gifts).



> So, less than 48 hours ago Greedy Dancer introduced me to Dan Howell (aka, danisnotonfire), and this morning I woke up at 6am and had to write this. It's written from Dan's POV as if he were doing one of his videos. I was inspired by [ this video.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29qo--P7JmI&list=PLEnRczHRfqsLZn2VUD3FAktjPchgwydU)

Hey guys, it’s me, Dan. I’ve got another Danecdote for you today. If you are wondering why I’m talking funny, well, it’s because I’ve burnt my mouth. Now, you may be thinking, “Dan, how did you do that?” because clearly I am old enough to know better, but you know how it is, when you are soooooo hungry you could almost fall over and your head is spinning. You are fumbling around in your kitchen, awkward with low blood sugar. You sling a frozen piece of lasagna in the microwave and, because you are so hungry, you just nuke the hell out of it to make sure it’s warm enough.

Sure enough, when you take it out of the microwave, it’s steaming and the aroma is like a gift from the gods. Your mouth starts watering and you cannot fucking control yourself even though you know you’re going to burn your mouth, so you start with a small bite from the middle, knowing it might be safe because somehow the microwave heats the outside of food, but not the inside.

That first bite is like, like the snake from the Garden of Eden and the next thing you know you are taking a huge bite from the edge because that initial bite has lulled you into a fall sense of security and that next bite you shove into your gob is like molten magma and you try to move it around with your tongue as if you are juggling a hot potato but there is nowhere in your mouth that is safe, the lasagna burns every surface it touches, but you just cannot control yourself because you were too fucking stupid to eat a snack or something and you’ve lost that control. So, now your mouth is already singed, you figure you may as well forge right ahead and just keep eating because the damage is already done, right? Wrong.

That was just the warmup, the appeteaser, if you will, for the damage the lasagna is going to inflict on the sensitive flesh inside your mouth because if — if — you had actually stopped there, you might have escaped actually burning your mouth, but you didn’t. You kept on eating. And that’s when you get blisters in your mouth (sad face).

And did you know that the reason it happens especially frequently with things like lasagna and pizza is because the cheese forms a protective layer over the tomato sauce. So, the sauce gets superheated because the water can’t evaporate and really, pizza and lasagna should come with warnings that it might be lethal to your health to eat hot. What was I even thinking? Next time I’ll pretend it’s just a new flavor of ice cream and eat it frozen.

And that’s why I’m talking funny today, because I’ve got a blister right here (points to that bit right behind his two front teeth) and it hurts like bloody hell. Right, that’s all I’ve got for you. I hope this cautionary tale has been of some use to you and you can avoid putting yourself through needless pain.

So, please tell me what you thought of this story and if you’ve ever burnt your mouth on hot food, why you couldn’t stop yourself even though you knew you were going to burn your mouth and you know, just tell me what you thought in the comments below. Or leave me a video response because those are good too and that’s the end of today’s Danecdote. Thanks, everyone. See you soon.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic]Don't Eat Hot Food](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1099710) by [readbyjela (jelazakazone)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jelazakazone/pseuds/readbyjela)




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